Meaning Something to Someone
by agecarbo
Summary: Starting after the kiss in episode 4.8 and a week after, Gail reflects on what just happened between her and Holly in the coat room. The story will continue on passed the finale.
1. What just happened?

What just happened?

Did she seriously just do that?

What the hell was she thinking?

Why did she?

Why did I let her?

I mean, I never admitted to it, but Chris was right two years ago. No one gets close enough unless I let them. Even Nick didn't, at least not until after the Perik incident, but obviously that didn't last long. I just started climbing higher up that tree until the fall was hard enough to break. Break what? Still not sure, but I made sure it wouldn't be just me. This is different. I'm not scrambling to the highest branch. I'm too confused to do anything more than just sit at the bottom asking the same questions repeatedly.

What? Holly kissed me.

Seriously? The tingle running through my lips proved that yes, _seriously_.

What the hell? No freaking clue. I was waiting for her to throw another jab like she has ever since we first met, not her smooth, soft lips. Those lips that…no. Stopping with that question.

Why did I let her? - no comment.

* * *

I couldn't avoid her even if I tried, which honestly I haven't. It happened, and we kept texting as if it didn't. No answers were given because there was never a question to answer in the first place. Not that I wasn't curious as hell because I've thought about it all week on repeat, but I would like to say I know Holly very well. Extremely well given that we've only known each other for only so many weeks. Either way, Holly would have apologized if she felt the need to.

It wouldn't have been the first time another girl kissed me, but after each occurrence, the other girl always apologized. In reality, I didn't mind. Some were pretty cute, but I never really knew them. It was always the same in the end. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry. I just – I didn't mean to." That's where I always lost control of her snark. To me, it was a complement when someone randomly kissed me because it meant I meant _something_ to someone, a feeling quickly squashed by "I didn't mean to."

Think about it.

Someone takes that extra step, one I have never taken, and before I even had time to process it, they pull away and say they didn't mean it. And it's never a simple apology. It's the rambling, high-pitched, flustered type that makes me cringe, makes me feel that kissing me was the biggest mistake they've ever made, which it was. It always was. I made sure of it. I may not express my personal feelings well enough with words, but words used as poisoned-tipped daggers? Those are my specialty. I sharpened my words to the point where I can make anyone run in fear within ten seconds flat.

Not Holly.

Holly simply kissed me and replied with her own charming form of mocking, disappearing before I could really figure out what to say. She gave me the time to process it. Too much time. I'm still processing it.

Despite all my questions, I don't want to give Holly the opportunity to join the countless other girls and woman who made a mistake. I don't know what I want Holly as, but I don't want to be another mistake. Especially not for someone who thinks I worth the extra step; the step that changes everything.


	2. Why not me?

**If you followed the link from tumblr to here, you might remember me stating that I had about 4 or 5 chapters already done. This was not one of them. I don't have the parts between the wedding and the finale finished. Let me know how this fits because I may decide to go back and add more if necessary. THANKS!**

* * *

I was sick and tired of playing this game of pretending the dates excited me. What really bothered me, though, was no one picked up on it. Traci and I didn't start as friends, but I thought after everything that happened with Perik, we were close enough for her to know when I was genuinely excited about something. Then again, I can't fault anyone but myself.

I've worked hard to build an impenetrable mask, a necessary one when dealing with my mother. Half the time I forget it's there, forget to let it drop so people can really see me. Now, more often than not, the mask is the only way I can get through the day at work. There's only one person who didn't even attempt remove the mask, Holly. She may not have realized it, but she met it head on cracking it more and more each time with ease. Just about destroyed it at the wedding. Sadly, all the dates gave me time to rebuild it.

So really, I'm not surprised no one realized how miserable I felt every time I dealt with the "the perfect man" my mother found for me. Traci really only got it because I threw her a bone, wanting to see what she'd do with it. Thankfully, she said exactly what I needed to hear. The mask cracked as I heard Holly's voice over the line.

"Hey. What are you doing tonight?"

* * *

After the night at the batting cages, I didn't have time to hang out with Holly. My trip with oxy doesn't count as hanging out with Holly because I was so out of it, I don't even remember what happened. How I got home under my own covers was a mystery until I found the note Holly left; she apparently carried me into my room and tucked me in, which I refuse to believe because 1) no evidence and my life is all about the evidence and 2) there is no way she could lift and carry my dead weight that far without help. Operation DiftNet made sure that I had even less time available. I really wanted to see her. Texting wasn't enough, but I had to deal with it. We mainly just talked about our days and kept conversation light and playful as usual. I've never had anyone match me jab for jab and was continually surprised each time Holly volleyed one back without a second thought. I craved it.

Today was not that kind of day. Holly hasn't replied to any of my texts since lunch, and I really needed an escape from this trivia game. I don't even know how I got dragged into it since there wasn't even a promise of free drinks. It just happened to work out that Chris ended up buying my first drink in thanks for the other night when he knew all Dov and I wanted was sleep.

The trivia game was driving me closer and closer to snapping each round we played, so I tried distracting myself by surveying the room every time I heard the door open. Next thing I knew, I shot of my seat. Holly just waltzed into the Penny as if she does it everyday. I vaguely heard myself saying, "I retire champion of the world," and brushing Chris off by forcefully shoving my hand in his face.

"HelloooOoo." _Jesus, that's really the first thing you say after not seeing Holly for days? Get a grip, Peck. _I quickly ordered whatever Holly was having; she always had a great taste in drinks.

Thank god Holly's smile made up for that embarrassingly lame greeting. "Hey, I didn't know you'd be here."

I quickly looked back at my friends providing Holly with an explanation for my night out, but really so I could reorient my thoughts before turning back towards her. My excitement for finally being able to hang out with Holly bubbled out as I offered to pay for the first round.

"Actually, I'm meeting someone." The reply was hesitant and calculated almost as if Holly knew she was walking on extremely thin ice. My face quickly deflated, but I tried to recover as best I could.

"Oh…sorry." I really wasn't, which by Holly's reply, she knew. Thinking quickly trying to say face, "So, is it like someone _someone_ or just like someone?" I barely contained the eye roll that desperately wanted to play.

"I'm not sure yet." I wished I didn't have to witness that smile on her face. I'm not used to seeing it directed towards anyone other than me and definitely not used to seeing her flirt. I made it back to my table at some point with my eyes trained on Holly and this _someone_. _Someone that meant enough that Holly made special plans with her instead of texting you._ I was too far into my thoughts to really tear into Dov and Chloe.

_Do you actually mean something to her?_ _Look how easily she brushed you off. She at least could have suggested meeting up tomorrow before running off to whoever the hell that person is._ It wouldn't surprise me if I didn't mean anything to her. I haven't exactly given any indication about how I really felt about her or that the kiss wasn't an issue. I figured that last part was obvious, but it probably wasn't. Maybe I was hoping she would realize it since she easily breaks through my mask, but apparently not enough to actually see me, see what I'm actually feeling. Then again, I don't even know how I feel about her.

As Holly smile dazzled brightly with laughter, Chris said something about another drink. Quickly throwing mine back, "Make mine a double," tumbled harshly from my lips; all the while, I was forming a plan in my head to make sure Holly knew that she was more than just someone to me. She was something.

* * *

**_Author's Note:_ ****Thanks everyone who has favorited this so far. A very special thanks to MrJamesileee for my first review ever (a pretty awesome one at that)! **


	3. Did I really just do that?

**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for following this story. This is another chapter that I didn't originally have, which is why this is coming so late. Special thanks at the bottom ;). **

* * *

I couldn't begin to comprehend what the hell was happening today. Not only was I still reeling from last night watching Holly get comfortable with someone other than me, but also Chloe's in limbo between living and dying. Just last night, Chloe was her disgustingly cute, bubbly self nearly riding Dov the whole time we were at the Penny. Now, she's just beeping to show she's still here. And all Dov can do is sit by and listen to the beeping and her secret husband, which I'm still working out how he even managed to get her since he seems like the exact opposite of Dov.

"You should have seen the two of them last night." I barely realized as I was saying the words out loud until Oliver replied confused. I just rambled, making jokes to seem less attached, before finally getting to the main point.

"I don't know what he's gonna do if she doesn't make it." Oliver took too long to reassure me, but I left it. There wasn't anything I could do now to fix it besides continuing to do my job. The crackling of dispatch needing a responding unit for a 10-16 effectively tied up the awkward ending to the morbid thoughts swirling around my head.

"This is 1312 Logan," Oliver needlessly pointed out as we slowly approached the building.

"Probably some stupid hipster living in a converted loft." I didn't care about whatever the hell was going on here. There isn't even anyone around. Usually when someone calls in a domestic disturbance, you can hear the yelling a mile away, and whoever called is standing outside pissed off because of the annoying neighbors. It's eerily quiet, though. The uneasiness kept growing as Oliver started making his way out of the car.

"Dispatch, this is 1534. Could you confirm the address as 1312 Logan Ave?" I couldn't shake the chill that slowly creeped up my back as the silence grew louder in my ears.

"You know, Peck, just because you wouldn't live here doesn't mean it's the wrong address." I had the perfect reply balanced on the tip of my tongue, ready to release the sardonic toxins before providing the actual reasoning for questioning the scene.

_CRASH!_

Oliver leaned into the car just in time before the bullet could destroy more than just the window of the car. "Get in the car!" I ranked him by his vest as he kicked at the door, the hinges designed to snap the door shut. As the car launched in reverse, I quickly grabbed for my radio.

"10-33 Officers under fire! Repeat officers under fire." _Again. For the second time today. _I couldn't process any more than repeating what was happening and hearing Oliver yelling over and over to get down as shots continued to slam into the car. I surprised myself when I continued shouting into my radio, "Shots were fired eastside of the building," even more so when I repeated that we've taken cover from Oliver's orders. _What the hell is going on with people today?_

* * *

I just wanted to go home, but the fact that someone was targeting our division threw that option right out the window. Frank was right; we need everyone out there so we can cover each other. Then again, that wouldn't have helped Oliver and I out too much at the hipster dream house. I know I radioed in the eastside of the building, but it honestly could have been from anywhere.

Clipping my radio back to my shoulder, I started trying to find a quiet room to decompress. Maybe give Holly a call to try to make sense of the day or at least to calm down to normal levels again. Two seconds after that thought crossed my mind, I looked up to see Holly casually standing in the hallway, swaying to make it seem as if she was just procrastinating towards her destination.

Brows furled, "Hey? What are you doing here?"

As I moved closer to Holly, I could see her trying to seem surprised that she just ran into me as if it never occurred to her that I'd be walking around 15th today. "Oh, I just had to drop off a report...It's a murder case from a few a couple weeks ago." I didn't need my detective skills to read all the signs lighting up like a Christmas tree around Holly's remarkable shaky story.

1) The "Oh" was high-pitched enough I'm surprised dogs didn't come racing towards her. It was embarrassingly faked.

2) Her sentence littered with so many awkward pauses made it clear that she was making up everything on the fly and was exceedingly bad at it, which surprised me even more than her being here.

3) She's riddled with nervous, twitchy energy. Enough that she made the "murder file" dance in front of her as if it had a choreographed routine to dazzle me with.

"Doesn't the courier usually bring that stuff over?" I know they do, but I wanted to see where exactly this was going. If my emotional and mental states weren't fried, I would have enjoyed this flustered side of Holly a lot more. Usually, she's calm and collected even when facing off against my harsh hostility.

Hesitant nod followed by an even more stumbled over sentence, eyes frantically looking anywhere but at me. "Yeah…he was...sick or something?" This wasn't really a question, but the slight hitch as the sentence trailed to an end made it seem as if she wasn't quite sure. Rather than taking the gift of such a perfectly crafted opportunity to make a sarcastic remark, my eyebrows scrunched together as I tilted my head in confusion knowing Holly would understand that I didn't by her story for a second.

Dejectedly rolling her eyes towards the floor, Holly relented and gently grabbed my arm. "Hey, come here." The gently sigh wasn't missed as Holly pulled me into an interview with no explanation.

As soon as the door closed, Holly jumped in without notice. "Is it true? I just-I heard a rumor that there's some freak out there hunting you guys."

I quickly averted my eyes to the floor. "Yeah-holly, I'm not allowed to talk about this." Looking back up at her was the wrong decision because the pleading look in her eyes made my resolve crumble within seconds. Whispering as if someone could actually hear us over the hustle outside the door, "There's an officer that was shot. She's in the hospital. And...a few other officers took fire." I was a general as possible not only so I wouldn't get in trouble, because no doubt was this already running like a wildfire, but also so Holly wouldn't worry about me.

I don't know how she did it, though. I thought my mask was firmly in place. She caught me completely off guard showing up here, and I didn't have time to make sure it was firmly back in place.

"You mean you." I could only watch as the new information washed over Holly like a frozen rain, chilling her to the core. In utter disbelief and panic, Holly couldn't stop her voice from cracking. "Someone shot at you? And – well, you're gonna go back out there?'

I don't think I was ever going to stop being confused in this moment because my answer seemed obvious. "Yeah, Holly," I explained slowly, "I-I'm a police officer."

Apparently, that wasn't a good enough reason as Holly's panic jumped up to absolute terror, "That doesn't mean that you have to go out there and put yourself in danger."

"Yeah," still not believing I have to spell it out for her of all people, "Kinda does."

I think Holly finally realizes that it's not in my control. It never has been. What I can't figure out is why she's even here. I mean, I'm glad she is. It saves me a call, but she was clearly here for a while before "stumbling" across me in the station. _Why does she even care?_

"But li-listen." The stutter in that command is all she needed to grab my attention, although it's not like she didn't have it the second I saw her in the hallway. "That girl last night-I barely knew her, okay? It was a stupid set-up." All I could do was shake my head and pretend that knowing this didn't affect me either way. When in reality, I had to suppress the smile threatening to envelop my face. Luckily, Holly was to busy formulating her thoughts to see that before powering on with her rant. "Well, anyway, I just-I just thought you should know. I don't know why I didn't tell you. I mean…I mean, we tell each other stuff, right?"

_Not everything, Holly. _I couldn't stop the thought from running around in my head or my eyes from frantically jumping around Holly's face.

"I-I guess that's why when I heard what was happening, I just thought I should come down here and – I don't know. Just make sure you were okay or something-"

My lips crashed into hers, quickly ending the rant before she really got started, moving along with Holly's into a second kiss. There were too many emotions running through me today, but this kiss? This kiss rendered everything useless.

Expect one thought breaking through the surface.

For the first time, I took that extra step. Pulled someone in close into my personal space. No, not someone. Holly. I pulled Holly roughly into my space and kissed her. Hard. Not even once. And I didn't want to stop. The mumbled "oh my god," as I pulled away wasn't because of the earth-shattering kiss. Well, partly because of it. It was that extra step. The step wasn't planned. I didn't plan on letting Holly know just how quickly she became more than someone and desperately hoped she didn't understand quite yet.

I couldn't let her see it now, not when I'm this broken. Struggling to hold her gaze, I tried to explain, "I'm sorry. You just-you just had to stop talking."

"I won't say another word." And I made sure she couldn't.

* * *

**Special thanks to annabanana6, ficreadr, and Bunnytofu for awesome reviews that made me want to definitely get this up tonight. **

**An even bigger thanks to the one and only MrJamesileee for taking the time to leave yet another remarkable review. I made you're day? No, no. You made mine. Thank you. **


	4. Okay?

_**Hey everyone! Here's the next chapter, yet again newly created.**_

_**Everyone can send their appreciation for this chapter (if you do actually appreciate it) to Bunnytofu for suggesting I write with Holly's thoughts. Warning: this will never happen in the same chapter bc I have a hard enough time staying in the same tense, but it felt appropriate to have these scenes inside Holly's head. THANKS BUNNYTOFU!**_

_**In response to those requesting I update soon, it will be hard during the week. It worked out that I'm sick and stayed home that last two days, but usually I don't get home til after 6EST. Hopefully, I should be able to at least get a chapter a day up until the story is over. **_

_**And, as always, let me know what you think! :D**_

* * *

Wow.

Gail just – kissed me? Not even the "you're too adorable and there's nothing to say" kind that happened at the wedding. I don't even know what kind of kiss it was, but I do know it wasn't just to stop me from rambling. Gail really should give me more credit. There was far more to that kiss, if only Gail would realize I wanted whatever it was as long as it was with her. Last night pretty much confirmed that, which I struggled to explain before being forcefully cut off. Why couldn't Gail see it? See that she rendered me helpless, unable to feel anything towards someone other than her.

But I can't figure this out with her now. Not because I don't want to, but talking tends to work better when the other person isn't half way out the door. "Gail?" My voice sounded foreign to me. I've never heard myself sound so small, so fragile.

Hooded eyes filled by a stormy sea slowly focused. Gail's face was hard as stone almost as if a mask made of smooth, unbreakable marble was keeping the thrashing sea from spreading. "Holly, I can't. Not right now. Not if I'm going to go back out there."

My racing pulse dropped too quickly, and I gripped the side of the table to keep from falling. Frantically, I gathered all my emotions, reigning in the desire to break the mask so the storm could wash over me instead of slowly devouring Gail. "Ri-right," forcefully nodding my head pretending to understand while slowly sinking to the floor.

_Click._

After hearing the door close, I raised my arms protectively around me head, fingers tightening around my hair reminding me it really happened. That everything happened. Gail kissed me, allowed me to kiss her repeatedly, and left me in a random interrogation room with an empty excuse of a murder file wondering how I allowed myself to become a mistake again.

"It wasn't a mistake." Shooting to my feet, I spun towards the door where Gail stood leaning against it eyes focused on the floor. "Just-please don't think it was." Before I could comprehend what Gail meant, she slowly exited the room as if any sudden movements would make everything crash to the ground.

I gave myself a minute to file everything away. I can't focus on it all now, there's too much work that needs done. Enough time was wasted to come up here. Well, not wasted, but taken away from the work piling up at the morgue. Shaking off the mixed up feelings, I braced myself for the harshness of the real world. But I couldn't shake off the memory of Gail dragging me closer. Running my fingers through my hair, the tiniest sigh escaped my lips because I knew it was going to distract me all day.

Feeling eyes on me the second I exited the room, I slowed to a stop. Seeing Gail standing there with her mouth wide open in alarmed surprise was more than enough for me to smile widely, pretending that I was actually just happy to see Oliver before speedily retreating down the hall smirking as I left.

I barely contained a chuckle hearing Gail agitatedly shout, "The courier was sick, Oliver. If you really must know."

* * *

Only a couple of hours passed since the interrogation room, but the waiting felt like days anxiously anticipating to hear something, anything, from Gail. Hours hearing more rumors build off each other that held no merit based off the information Gail reluctantly shared with me. Until finally one catches me off guard, making me nearly drop the samples in my hand.

_"An officer was kidnapped. No one knows who did it or why."_

_"Who is it?"_

_"All I heard was it is an officer that was already shot at today."_

Let's just say that after the last bit of information it didn't take me long to drop everything haphazardly on the table and sprint out of the morgue for the second time that day fearfully searching for Gail.

This time was quicker and a wave of calm instantly flooded through my frazzled system. Gail was at her desk gathering equipment while talking with her roommate, Chris, and a guy I vaguely remember seeing around the station. _Looks like he could be her brother_.

"Gail!" flew from my lips dripping in relief

Gail moved from hunching over her desk to turn towards me. "Holly, hey." It didn't escape me that nearly every time she sees me her face promptly fills with confusion whether she's realized it or not. As if she's surprised that I keep coming back. However, under the veil of confusing, I could see concern shifting uneasily in the background.

"Hi."

"Hey."

Narrowing my eyes in suspicion, I couldn't stop the challenging comment from slipping. "You've said that already."

Rapidly thinking with a self-conscious eye-roll, Gail shrugged. "You know, it sounded familiar."

This was yet another side of Gail I've never seen before today. Neurotic. Not knowing what to do, I let the comment slide. "I just wanted to see you. You know," looking up to meet her gaze, "take ten minutes, lay eyes on you." _Kiss you. _Knowing that would be highly inappropriate, I reached out to hold any part of her to reassure myself that she was still here. Still whole.

Rigidness made me glance back up. Her eyes locked with mine pleading to let go, barely shaking her head in defiance to my touch.

"Oh." I didn't miss Gail slyly trying to look behind her, making sure the men didn't suspect anything. Resolutely, I knew it wasn't the time to question her. "Okay. So that's how we're gonna do this." Roughly shoving my hands into my pockets, I steeled myself hoping this was only a temporary arrangement and not because of me. Unfortunately, there aren't many other options.

"Mm-hmm." A perfect non-committal response. As if sensing the awkward situation, Chris called Gail so they could head out.

I couldn't let her leave with just an mm-hmm. She needed to know I wouldn't stop caring just because she pushed me away. That I wouldn't be going anywhere, and that I expected the same from her. "Just…just be careful, okay?" My hand softly ran down the length of her arm without me realizing it left the safety of my pocket.

Instead of brushing it away, Gail actually leaned towards it making the soft touch turn into a firm, needy grip. Shinning eyes melted into mine, and a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she back-peddled to her desk never breaking eye contact.

"I will."

* * *

_You should probably just go home. You're never going to get any work done today while Gail is still chasing after a shadow._ Sighing, I leaned back in my chair pushing my glasses off my face. I've been trying to work since watching Gail walk away, again, and I literally have nothing to show. I couldn't shake the nervous energy running through my system causing my stomach to tie up in painful knots as more evidence appeared at the lab.

_Ring ring._

Cursing under my breath, I reached for my phone that I thought was on silent. After the fifth time my phone ruined an autopsy report, I made sure to silence it as soon as I walked into the office. Today must really be messing with me.

I didn't recognize the number displayed across my phone, but that didn't mean a lot when you have dozens of detectives trying to be slick to make sure you weren't dodging their frequent calls. "Hello, this is Dr. Stewart."

"Hello to you too, Nerd. Who did you think this was?"

The knots in my stomach relaxed as I chuckled to myself. "Gail? How was I suppose to know this was you and why aren't you calling from your phone?"

Sighing, Gail replied, "Chris basically shoved his phone in my face ordering me to call you."

"And you actually listened to him?" Not believing Gail for a second, "You don't do anything unless you want to and don't even try to deny that."

"Do you and Chris trade notes on me or something? He said the same thing two years ago."

Shaking my head at Gail's typical antics, I needed to know why this call was so important. "Not that I don't mind bickering with you all day, why did you call? We don't usually talk during work hours you know."

"Well I…"

"Gail? You what?" The hesitation caused my stomach to drop, especially since Gail didn't continue right away.

Hearing her suck in a huge breath, Gail launched into such a loud, hurried explanation. I barely understood what she was saying. "We figured out who has targeted our diversion. Kevin Ford, a suspect for a child abduction and murder, thinks we were setting him up. He shot Chloe and took Oliver, and I'm with the swarm of other cops heading towards what I am sure is a trap, but it's Oliver. I can't leave him there. And Chris kept going on and on about how I should call you because you deserved to know what was going on. He called everyone he cares about outside of the division to let them know and not to worry. And I just…"

I held my breath in disbelief. I didn't want to over-think the same issue Gail was obviously over-thinking, but couldn't help the slight smile threatening to break through my stiff features.

"Just wanted to let you know I was going out, possibly going to get shot at again, and that I will be ok. Don't worry about me. I will call you as soon as I can to reassure you that I did keep my promise. And will add another one." I heard shuffling and voices booming orders, imagining Gail dodging bodies to find a quieter place before explaining what the next promise is. Gail's voice softened and slowed down whispering, "I promise we will talk, okay?"

The breath I didn't know I was still holding rushed out. "Y-yeah. I'd like that."

_Move out people. You have your orders! Let's get to it _carried over the line. "Holly, I have to go. But…just in case something does happen –"

"Gail don't say that nothing will," I cut her off not wanting to think about that scenario.

"- I don't want you to think you're just someone. You're something to me, okay? Bye."

_Click._

* * *

_**Thanks to Lisa. It would be a special thanks, but I can't decided it your comment should be taken as a compliment or not. **_

_**Special thanks to ragingscooter for such a positive review! **_

_**Extra special thanks to wkgreen and annabanana6 for adding another review making my day that much better. **_

_**And Anna, patience. Those parts are the ones that are actually ready. They just need typed and readjusted.**_


	5. What was that?

_**Hello one and all! Glad to see you all were pleasant surprised by the added phone call scene. I nearly posted without it. **_

_**Thank you all for coming back for the next installment. This chapter was actually the first idea that prompted me to create this story. As always, let me know what you think. Too much? Not enough? Just right? **_

* * *

_Click_.

Staring at the phone in my trembling hand, I couldn't believe I just did that. Laid it all out there, revealing a part of me that I struggled so hard to keep closed. I can't take it back, not even if I wanted to. Holly knew exactly how I felt, yet I had no clue if she still wanted whatever this was between us. I didn't give her the chance. No one knows what's about to happen, and I can't handle what was about to happen if I allowed Holly to confirm or deny anything. Either option a distraction I couldn't afford. All I know is I promised her I'd be safe, safe enough to talk at least, but she didn't need to know that much. My knees were quivering as I stood back up from my crouched position off to the side.

"Worth it?" Chris almost had a smug expression on his face, but the loom danger softened the edges. The concern in his eyes didn't help either.

"Don't," I barked, shoving his phone into his armored chest quickly ridding the last trace of evidence that the previous conversation really did happen. "We got a job to do, so leave it. Oliver is in there somewhere in God knows what condition. Not the time for this." I spun on my heals as Frank cleared his thought and waited for orders, not bothering to give Chris the time to answer.

"Alright team. We don't know what were are up against, but what we do know is an officer is in there. Watch each others' backs. Everyone, every last one, will go home tonight." Sectioning off into two teams behind ETF, I stood waiting for the charge to beginning.

With a slight nod, Frank gave the orders.

Gun at the ready and positioned behind a small army, I rushed into the church. Orders rushed over the radio as the teams split covering both sides of the stairwell. Lights danced across the stain glass, beautifully in a way really. As we rounded the corner, all I could see was Oliver, battered and bruised on the floor. Oliver kept screaming "No. No, go back. There's a gun. Gun in the balcony," from where he sat cuffed to the scaffolding. I braced myself for the hail of bullets to tear through us, but nothing came.

"Balconies cleared. No one's up here."

Oliver wouldn't let it go. "Guy was right up there. I though he was going to start shooting. He was up on the balcony." Frank attempted to quiet him, but I could see it wasn't working. Gently, I steered him outside wrapping my arms around him, letting him know he's still here with us.

As soon as Oliver was safe, I released a shaky breath. The muscles in my back unclench when, under his own power, Oliver walked to the closest ambulance. The feeling of relief didn't last long though as I heard ETF clear the scene.

"Wait, where's Ford?" I didn't bother directing the question at anyone knowing someone would answer the question without second thought.

"He wasn't in the building."

My blood ran cold. Of course he wasn't here. Sprinting towards Oliver, I couldn't get a word in before he launched into his own story.

"He was up there, Gail. I tried to talk him out of it, but –"

Grabbing the side of his face careful not to hit any bruised areas, I focused Oliver's attention completely on me. "Oliver, slow down. Let me hear it all, but I need you to slow it down. What exactly did you tell him?"

His eyes were swimming in and out of focus as he struggled to organize his thoughts. "Told him his plan wasn't going to work. That ETF and a lot of big guns were coming. His list was useless now. Said not one of the people he wanted was showing up. That they'd all be at station and won't leave."

"He's at the station." I didn't realize the words actually left my throat until I felt them catch in my dry throat. Everything fit. Why would he be here? Ford may be desperate and blinded by revenge, but he isn't that stupid. Not only did Oliver tell him that the people he wanted would never step outside the station, but also knew that a missing cop is always top priority. With every cop hunting him, he just had to lead us all to one place and then he'd be free to –

Holly.

Did she actually leave the station?I racked my brain trying to remember what happened only hours before. I walked away from her after fumbling over myself over thinking the whole situation at the time. Too worried about why she was there and what Chris and Steve were thinking. While the phone call did calm me slightly, I don't know where Holly was when she answered only concentrating on what I needed to say. None of that mattered now.

Wrestling with my side pocket, I gripped my cell phone scrabbling over the keys desperately trying to dial Holly's phone number, a number memorized far too quickly. Growling under my breath, I heard myself chanting, "Pick up. Pick up, Nerd," while scanning the flowing black sea of uniforms for the familiar stature of Chris.

Call number 1: Voicemail.

"Damn it," shot out of my mouth as Holly's voicemail continued to play in my ear. My heart rate picked up to what is probably an unhealthy rate, but I wouldn't calm down until knowing Holly is safe. Throwing my phone back into my pocket, I sprinted towards the church, desperation mounting as I still couldn't see Chris.

"Gail, what are you –"

"Chris!" I didn't let him finish the thought. It wasn't important. "Give me the keys, now!"

Bewildered at my seemingly random demand, Chris tried talking again, "Why do – "

Thrusting my hand out to Chris, I snarled, "Just give me the keys to the cruiser before I forcefully take them from you." Any other time the clear gulp from Chris would have a grin plastered on my face, but thankfully Chris learned something while we dated. Don't challenge me when my eyes turn icy and I threaten bodily harm. I roughly grab the keys from his hand ignoring the bewildered look creeping on his face.

Call number 2: Voicemail.

Somehow, my phone was by my ear again as the infuriating voicemail played. Sprinting to the car, I vaguely heard Chris shouting, "Gail, where are you going? We have to clear the scene." Not bothering to answer, I revved the engine while slamming on the lights before speeding off towards the station. Morbid thoughts swirled around my head that I hurriedly shook off as I tried to dial my phone nearly being crushed in my grip.

"Sam!" I shouted as soon as I heard the phone pick up not even giving him a chance to respond. "Ford's in the station! Oliver was a diversion. I repeat – Ford is in the station!"

"Gail! Slow down. What are you talking about?"

Frustrated, I gritted my teeth while veering around a corner. "Ford wasn't at the church. It was a setup. He knew you all wouldn't be there and made sure that every cop is hunting him down instead of staying at the station. We gave him the perfect opportunity. Secure the building, call the Chief. I'm almost there." I barely hung up with Sam before my phone dialed Holly's number the ringing echoing in the silence.

Call number 3: Voicemail.

Throwing the car around a sharper corner, I thought the car was tipping over, but in my frenzied state, I could only concentrate on the fact that Holly still wasn't answering. If she doesn't answer soon, I swear I'm going to throttle her when I find her.

Call number 4: Voicemail.

Nearing the station, I cut the siren screeching the cruiser to a normal, leisurely pace despite the fear attempting to swallow me whole. While I wanted to just speed up blazing loudly through the front door, it would eliminate the one advantage still on my side. Surprise.

Call number 5: Voicemail.

I was out of that car before it fully park, not caring if someone stole it at this point. Walking up the steps, I chanted to myself, "Nothings wrong. Everything is fine. Holly's just busy. Stay calm." I had to appear as if it was just another day.

_Yea, but Holly isn't possibly in danger everyday._

"Not helping," I mumbled to myself as I slide between the front doors. Senses on high alert, my eyes swept across the station, fingers twitching towards my gun to center my focus on hunting down Ford. Sadly, walking with my gun out would arouse suspicion, so I settled for resting my hand on the top of my unbuttoned holster. For the first time since stepping into a police station, I felt uncomfortable and exposed. There were too many hiding places, too many hallways and rooms to duck into. The walls felt like they were closing in around me as the anxiety attempted to suffocate me. I didn't have the time to search each room and stretch of hallway in search of Holly and Ford. I wanted to look for Holly, but Ford had to be the top priority. If I found and secured him, the threat towards Holly is gone. Stopping briefly to refocus, I rounded the next hallway.

Squashing down a shout threatening to erupt from my mouth, I saw Ford creeping slowly from an interview room across from parade. I hurried forward until I was parallel to him on the other side of the 4-way hallway. I couldn't figure out why he's standing just outside the doorway of the parade room.

Ford's hunting rifle started to slowly rise up. My eyes followed the path of the muzzle as I silently retrieved my gun clicking the safety off while aiming at his head. At the end of the muzzle stood Nick, too focused on his phone to see Ford right in front of him.

"Collins." Ford didn't move an inch waiting for Nick to realize what was about to happen.

Nick threw his hands up, "Woah. Hi Kevin. I-I was actually just about to call you. There's been a new discover, and we-"

"And you need to question me again? Not going to happen." Ford trained him gun on Nick's head.

"Gail?"

_Pop._

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Pop. Pop. Pop._

* * *

**_Special thanks to CXan_**,**_ FaBbEr0oZ (don't be mad at me!), ellec77, mysterious guest, ragingscooter, _****a**nd devil3567 for awesome and enjoying reviews. This help motivate me to make longer chapters each time! Also, CXan pointed out that I apparently am the only one that has written about the phone call before the raid. Is that actually true? I find that hard to believe.

**_Extra special thanks to annabanana6, wkgreen, and Bunnytofu for their continued reviews and support._**

**_And Lisa gets an extra, extra special thanks for clearing up the confusion with her first comment. It was a compliment, which is how I originally took it anyways. :) Thanks for the clarification though._**


	6. How do I get out of this?

_**This is extremely late, I know, but it is still a new day and not yet another! I was celebrating a special 18th birthday for my little sister. So, some of you are probably made at me for that cliffhanger. I'm not sorry to be honest. Personally, I LOVE them both as a writer and a reader. Does this chapter make up for it?**_

* * *

_Gail?_

"Gail? Are you still here?" Luke gently asked. I barely heard him over the thrashing storm destroying everything in its path. He must have seen the clouds grow darker and reached out to me hoping to stop the gale from consuming me.

"Don't," I rasped out, jerking my knee out from under his offending hand. It was too much. Too much caring. Too much concern. I needed to let everything to stop. Stop moving so fast leaving me blindsided.

The deep sigh barely captured my attention. "Gail, I need you to stay with me and explain what happened. Get out of your head and talk me through it." Luke's voice lost its soft edge finally realizing it wasn't working on me in the first place.

"I can't!" spat out as I gritted my teeth against the images flooding my raging mind leaving scorch marks in their wake. None of it made sense. Gripping the sides of my head to the point of ripping out hair, I tried to rail in the shutter tearing through me barely noticing when I started rocking. Words came pouring out at such a speed they hardly made sense. "It's all coming in flashes. I can't tell what's happening when or why or how. The ordering doesn't make any sense. The just keep popping up. I can't focus on any of it." I could feel the tears attempting to release the furious storm clinging to the edge of tipping over.

"Gail!" Luke roughly grabbed my face shaking with measured force compelling my eyes to meet his translucent blue gaze. A low, gravelly voice continued, "Slow down. I know how hard it is, but talk me through the flashes. The ordering can come later." Slightly looking to my right nearly unraveled me again, but the firm grip on my face reminded me that I need to hold it together now.

Removing the calloused hand from my face, I slightly nodded. "Okay. Just-just let me say it all as it comes. Don't try to stop for more details. This is the best you might get, so don't make me repeat it. I won't." I waited for a brief recognition to the terms before focusing all my attention to my right. Gathering a deep, wobbly breath, I let it all rush out.

_Ford raised his gun training it on Nick the entire time only stopping when the gun was level to Nick's head. My gun aimed at Ford, focused in on the only space that I was sure would stop him, his head. Nick just raised his hands rambling on about some development in a case and wanting to talk to Ford privately about it, but Ford didn't want to hear any of it. Something about it being another setup. They kept talking and talking. _

_Sam rushed around the corner into the middle of the hallway. I have no idea where he came from. Hands raised, he shouted something at Ford, distracting him long enough for Nick to drop to the floor and scramble back into the room. Sam inched towards Ford. He was saying even more words to Ford. Something along the lines of this not being the answer, doesn't solve anything, or similar to that. I wasn't completely focused on his attempt to calm Ford down.  
_

_A shot._

_The sound of two bodies hitting the floor. One right after the other. Blood polluted the scent in the air._

_Three more shots. _

My throat constricted as the images continued, but I wouldn't allow myself to focus on those. Not yet. Not until I knew everything was okay, and that I didn't need to fear anything anymore. Luke's eyes burned into the side of my head anxiously waiting for me to say more. He knew parts were missing, but needed me to say them. Silence filled the room save for the incensing beeping.

"Why did you hesitate?" Flinching at the sudden loudness, I dropped my gaze to my lap staring at the strangle hold my fingers gripped each other in. Luke was never patient. Always wanted the facts now not later. Sometimes it made me wonder if he had even less feelings than me. Far more detached from other people. "You were watching Ford turn towards Sam and knew what his intentions were. We all knew what his plan was before he even turned up at the station. You never approached him. You waited. Why didn't you-"

"Because the sole reason for me rushing into the station found me!" Wiping my head around, I could feel my eyes blazing, feeding off the power of the storm. By the way Luke suddenly stopped and shifted uncomfortably, he probably felt the heat licking his face from the sheer force of it all. "Holly found me!" Turning back to the still form laying on the hospital beds hooked up and surrounded by beeping machines, the only things proving that she was still alive, I heard myself quietly repeating in a dead voice, "She found me."

* * *

_"Gail?"_

_At the sound of the familiar voice, my attention completely focused on the woman standing slightly behind me. The one person I desperately wanted to see, but at the same time, wished she wasn't here. Not while an armed man with a mind-altering head injury was intent on killing somebody in the same area as where they both are standing._

_"Holly," I harshly whispered between clenched lips swallowing back the urge to shout, "why the hell didn't you answer your damn phone? I've been trying to reach you. Don't you pay attention to your phone? Don't bothering answering because I know you do. Usually, you send a reply before I even know a message actually sent."_

_Holly took a hesitant step back, no doubt misinterpreting the whole situation. "After you called me, I switched it back to silent to concentrate on work. Which obviously didn't happen." Shaking her head, hair cascaded around her face as she lowered her eyes to the floor. "I couldn't-I couldn't stop staring at it, willing it to ring. Waiting for you to tell me you were okay. I figured if I come here I'd find out what was going-"_

_Pop._

_The gun shot rang out. I nearly missed Sam crumbling to the floor because all I could see was Holly's eye widen before her body followed Sam's._

_A warm gun dripping with the scent of_ _nitroglycerin clanked to ground. My gun? No clue. I don't remember what happened before I found myself on my knees frantically examining Holly._

_"Holly? Hol, stay with me." Blood pooled around Holly's still form indistinguishable from the nearby mess around Sam making it impossible to find the source. "Where'd you get hit? Holly!" _

_Dim brown eyes, vastly different from the vibrant warmth I craved, held my gaze. Holly lips moved as she tried to speak, but instead blood bubbled out between the paling lips as her eyes rolled to the back of her head _

_"No. Nonononononono,' I feverishly chanted lightly slapping Holly's cheek trying to shock her back to consciousness. "Open your eyes Holly. Look at me. Come on. Don't you dare do this to my Lunchbox." Grasping her face between my quivering hands, I couldn't stop myself from shaking her. "Don't you dare fucking leave me, too."_

_Slippery fingers managed to slide between the fingers clenched around Holly's face. One firm grasp before dropping back to the floor. Shuttering breaths made my chest ache as the tears I didn't know were already falling fell harder._

_"Don't."_

* * *

"Don't what, Gail?" Luke's voice riddled with confusion as he tried to make sense of what I must have said out loud. He reached out for me again, but before he could touch me, I violently pushed his hand aside.

No longer trying to control the level of my voice, my voice stranded against the sudden strength and volume. "I said don't, Luke. Just get the hell out of here. I don't want to talk right now. Not while Holly is laying in this bed because of me!" All Luke could do was sit back in his chair, moving as far away from my rage as possible. I'm sure he's never seen me like this. Not just puffy eyed from obviously crying after being rescued last year, but the self-consuming rage and loathing oozing into every inch of my body. I couldn't sit still anymore. Talking made the images worse. I needed to pace. Needed to make everything stop. Stalking back and forth, I felt trapped like a wild animal thrown into a cage. Ominous and defiant.

Slowly rising to his feet, Luke cautiously approached me. "Gail, come one. Calm do-"

"Don't tell me to calm the fuck down!" I roared spinning on the spot rushing forward to Luke. Face-to-face. Screaming with unadulterated fury, "I told her I cared. That she wasn't just a new person in my life. Not just someone. Something." Pushing hard against Luke's shoulders, I made him stumble back bracing himself against the wall he suddenly found himself up against. "She would never have been in the station if I kept my damn feelings to myself! This is my fault! Mine." Jabbing my finger into the bullet proof vest, I wished I could actually feel the pain. Everything was just numb. "So don't tell me to calm down, not when the one person the actually fucking means _something_ is laying with a bullet in her." No longer wanting to deal with Luke and his sadly misguided attempts to make this situation better, I aggressively yanked him around his arm forcing him to stare into the hurricane of fire he ignited. Growling low and menacing, "Now leave before I make you on your own personal stretcher."

Shoving Luke from the room, I noticed a small audience surrounding the doorway. Andy, Dov, and Traci were staring at me their jaws dropped in bewilderment no doubt hearing the raged fueled confession. I froze on the spot, quickly running through a range of options that would make this situation go away, hoping they didn't actually hear the words. That they only heard the screaming.

Traci snapped out of her shock and slowly tried entering the room. "Gail?" Half a step closer. "She'll be okay. It wasn't serious."

Snorting through a fake chuckle, I didn't bother trying to fight Traci's horrible logic. Simply saying, "Getting shot is serious."

Another half step while trying to switch logic, Traci continued, "I didn't realize you cared about her that much, Gail."

The walls started shrinking. They did hear it all. This is too much. Taking long, powerful steps toward the door pushing out of the room in the process, I snarled "Surprise!" before slamming the door, shutting out reality. The reality that I just confessed to a number of people what Holly meant to me.

* * *

**_Special thanks to _****_SOS9494(you have a wonderful ways with words...i mean word), chairmanmel (did this help? and sorry those are my favorite!), mysterious guest1 (i'd like to think so too :)), and mysterious guest2 (just wait and you shall see) _****_for the tremendous reviews and words of encouragement!_**

**_Extra special thanks to _****_ellec77 (wow! glad it's coming off that way), FaBbEr0oZ (i don't want to find out what exactly the toilet monster is), wkgreen (i really enjoyed that cliffhanger, too), and annabanana6 (surprise?) _****_for constantly reviewing reminding me that the journey is worth taking._**

_**And I can't think of a high enough value to thank this awesome tumblr, .com. If you haven't checked it out, they started a collection of Gail/Holly Fanfiction with brief descriptions and a ratings. Unbelieveably, they award my story four stars! Completely overjoyed! THANK YOU!**_


	7. Can you hear me loud and clear?

**_Don't be mad at me! I didn't mean for this to be as late as it was. Depending on how you choose to look at it, since I haven't gone to bed, it's not a new day. Meaning I'm still on track, right? ….Yea, I don't like the reasoning either. I was struggling with this chapter trying to make everything fit the way I wanted to or adding/deleting things. I'm still not sure if I'm entirely happy with it, but let me know what you think. You all are the best critics! _**

* * *

I couldn't sleep. I wanted to believe that the tortuous chair all hospitals insist on buying was the cause of my sleep deprivation or the brief period of hyperventilating after the rage-fueled confession. Brief being two hours of pacing back and forth wringing my hand, beating myself up because more people just saw me extremely vulnerable rather than an unbreakable wall. The tan hand cradled between my vibrant, pale hands, however, painted a different picture of why I couldn't sleep. Holding the hand of someone who was shot because of you was normal, but the anxious, painful thumping of my clenched heart kept reminding me that this wasn't just anyone. This is Holly. Smart, weird, morbidly amusing Holly whose job didn't put her in the risk mine did. Yet, here she is instead of me. Laying with a bullet wound surrounded by torn, bruised flesh.

It didn't help that every time my eyes closed vivid images of the shooting twenty hours ago assaulted me, running on a continuous loop. Jerking awake covered in a cold sweat with labored breathing kept pissing me off. This usually only happens after a stressful day or if something happened to remind me of Perik. That bastard still had an infuriating hold on me a year later, especially when I had to swallow down the bile rising in my throat when his copycat emerged. No more taxis. No more basements. No more IVs no matter if I actually needed them. Pathetically, even my blankets weighed down on me, trapping me to the bed as it the soft cloth was made of tough, remorseless ropes.

This with Holly? This was worse. Over the year, I learned how to calm myself relatively quickly when the nightmares starring Perik were at their worst. Sit up. Rub the numbing pain growing on right arm. Turn on the lights. Stretch arms out to my sides than around my body. Take inventory of the room. Repeat he's in jail while shaking head. I didn't even think through the steps anymore. None of those helped. Not the steady beep of Holly's beating heart. Not repeating that she's okay, she'll be okay. Pulling her hand closer worked. Each time I jolted awake, I stretched her arm closer to me until it was securely tucked under my chin, fingers entwined, with my head resting on top of the pile. My firm grip holding the limp, lifeless hand, the steady warmth flowing from that hand the only creditable evidence that Holly was indeed alive.

Needing to feel more, I placed my upper body precariously on the edge of the bed. The thought of just crawling completely onto the bed was tempting to further reassure that I haven't lost her yet. That I won't lose her. It wasn't an option. But, I knew I shouldn't, not with her healing injuries still fragile after surgery. I only know the extent of what happened during the surgery because I forced the doctors to give me step-by-step details. Really though, I pretended I needed all the information to create a proper report, but they didn't need to know that. I just couldn't remember what happened after Ford shot her down, not even where she was hit. Not knowing how severe the wound was left my mind racing jumping from conclusion to conclusion.

Apparently, Ford's hunting rifle was powerful enough to rip through Sam's body and tear into Holly's thigh clipping the femoral artery before burrowing the bullet halfway through her femur. Holly managed to lose enough blood to cause her to pass out minutes after hitting the floor. The blood in her mouth was from biting the inside of her cheek as she fell. She should have lost more blood by the time the paramedics showed up. I don't remember attempting to stop the blood flow, but if the blood coating my hands and my missing uniform shirt were any indication, I guess I found the source and reacted on autopilot until the professionals took over the task with me staying at her side.

With her leg covered in a thick casting raised in a sling, I refused to jostle her and open the damaged skin recently stitched back together. But the longer I sat in this remorseless chair next to an unconscious Holly stroking fingers along the length of her arm, the harder it became it fight the urge. Still thinking logically, I shifted my upper body so I could rest more fully on the edge of the bed. One hand still encasing Holly's, the other keeping track of the stable pulse, I felt myself drifting off to another fitful sleep.

* * *

"I won't."

Screaming like a twelve-year-old girl, Gail jumped to her feet whipping around trying to figure out whose ass needed to be destroyed. Fist clenched tight enough that the pale skin on her knuckles was on the verge of splitting. Breathing heavily to catch her breath after screaming so loud the whole hospital probably heard her. Throwing back a curtain to continue her search, Gail was muttering, "When I found them, they will pay severely for that. Oh, they will never try that again." Her piercing eyes searched the entire room only to confirm that it was empty. Releasing an aggravated sigh, she threw herself into the uncomfortable armchair. Elbows resting on the edge of the bed as shaking hands running roughly through tousled hair.

"I lost it," Gail started mumbled. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Jeez, Nerd. What can't you just be awake and talk all those big words at me until you have to repeat yourself when I ask you to dumb it down for me?" Laying her head down on folded arms resting on the bed, Gail reached for the hand closest to her pulling it close to her chest again. Whispering quietly, "I can't lose you, Holly. Not like everyone else."

"You won't."

Wiping her head up too quickly, it took Gail a second for the dizziness to fade as she felt my hand in hers tangle our fingers together. "Holly?" Eye bulging, mouth dropped to her chin, Gail stared into my eyes that I'm sure where swimming in amusement. I couldn't stop the smirk creeping on my face.

Slowly stroking her hand with my thumb, I said for the second time, "I won't and you won't. Don't worry about that."

A trembling hand reached up and gently cradled my cheek lightly tracing the bone. Leaning into the touch, I closed my eyes as the cold hand left an icy trail in its wake making my hairs stand on end. Opening my eyes, simmering blue eyes filled my vision. Too many emotions were running rampant for my drugged brain to beginning to distinguish them all.

Gail's opened and closed her mouth, wanting to say something as her eyes burrowed into mine. "Umm, Holly? I have no idea what we are talking about."

Chuckling, I couldn't stop my head from light shaking. Placing a hand over the one now resting along my neck, I held Gail's gaze, making sure each word was heard clearly. "I don't plan on going anywhere, Gail. You won't lose me."

Gail's usually pale complexion rapidly turned a vibrant red, and I nearly didn't stop myself from laughing. Ducking her head and playing with my fingers in her hand, Gail self-consciously asked, "What exactly do you remember?"

Casting my mind back, I had to block out the whole scene except for what was relevant. "You were all but yelling at me for not answering your calls, and I was in the middle of explaining why when some asshole shot me. I hit the floor before I realized what was happening. I tried telling you where I caught the bullet, but there was too much blood flooding into my mouth. The overwhelming taste made me nausea, and I felt myself losing heat as the blood continued to flow. I was fighting through the fog because I could hear how frantic you sounded and wanted to let you know I was okay. You were screaming at me not to leave, but the best I could do then was squeeze your hand. I wanted to make sure you got the message when I woke up."

Narrowing her eyes at me while raising a suspicious eyebrow, Gail could hold back the smallest smirk. "You've been thinking about this the whole time, haven't you?

"More or less." Shrugging, I didn't care how what made me seem.

Eyes shining and a genuine smile plaster on her face, Gail chuckled dryly slightly shaking her head. "You're a bigger nerd than I thought, Doctor." Moving faster than my drug-addled brain could allow, I felt Gail's lips firmly press against mine. Just like the first two times, I felt a shockwave roll over me. Kissing has never felt like this before. Gail didn't end the kiss this time. She pushed further, possibly needing to confirm that she wasn't dreaming. That I was still here.

Pulling back slightly, I breathed out a staggered breath resting my forehead against Gail's. "Gail?" Stroking her cheekbones, I waited until she locked her eyes with mine. "I-I want to ask you something, but I don't want to rush you into anything. I mean, you may have only said it because you weren't sure what was going to happen and were just flowing with the moment. I don't want to pressure you with anything. You probably have so much running through your head right now that you don't even know what to think. And I get that. I do. I've been there and know what you're going through and don't want to make it worse by just pushing and pushing you into-"

Warm, soft lips stopped me from yet another ramble. "While I enjoy watching you scramble and don't mind that kissing you is apparently the only cure, I would love if you would just ask me the question straight without trying to walk around it. Nod if that's okay?" One firm nod before Gail continued. "Good. Now, the next thing I want to hear is the question. Nothing more."

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, I just let it spill out. "Did you really mean it when you said I wasn't just someone to you?" Gail didn't answer right away. I lowered my eyes to my lap fearing what the pause meant.

I heard her ease out of the armchair and felt as she gently sat on the bed as close to me as possible with my leg in such an awkward position. Shifting her heavy utility belt into a more comfortable position, Gail gently coasted my chin up with a feather light touch. I still couldn't make out what emotions were playing behind her usually expressive eyes. The nerves in my stomach painfully thrashed in anticipation.

"Holly. I meant every word. I don't think of you as just someone. You really do mean something more to me. You make me feel. Too much sometimes. But, you make me feel like I mean something. I've never felt like that with anyone before." Gail timidly swallowed before continuing. "Last night when you were on your blind date, I couldn't help but feel jealous. I wanted to be on that date with you. I don't want to just be someone you hang out with. We should be more than that, don't you think?"

Eyes drenched in vulnerability, I didn't hesitate to answer. "Gail, I think-"

"Gail? I think you forgot to turn off your radio and are leaning against the call button." Steve Peck's voice rang throughout the room as the radio crackled.

* * *

**_Special thanks to _****_BSwifty1997 (i felt horrible doing it, but i like the story opportunity it opens up) for posting an awesome first review! _**

**_Extra special thanks to _****_ellec77 (wow! glad it's coming off that way), FaBbEr0oZ (i don't want to find out what exactly the toilet monster is), wkgreen (i really enjoyed that cliffhanger, too), and annabanana6 (surprise?) _****_for constantly reviewing reminding me that the journey is worth taking._**

_**And an extra, extra, extremely special thank you to everyone for putting up with this last posting!**_


	8. Author's Note: I'm so sorry :(

Hey everyone! I'm sorry this isn't an update, but my computer decided to freak out and not turn on. My phones is the only reason I can actually post this to let you know. I should get it working by tomorrow and promise at least one new chapter tomorrow! Don't be too upset with me!


	9. Did you really try to run?

_**I'm so sorry about not being able to post yesterday! My computer was being an arse, but I got it to love me again! I'm not sure how much I like where this chapter went, but let me know what you think. I'm probably just being too hard on myself. **_

Feeling my eyes painfully widen, I scrambled for my radio mumbling a string of profanities at my negligence. Checking the frequency to gauge just how many people heard my embarrassingly emotion confession, witnessing me in such a vulnerable state that I tried to keep hidden the last four years, it took a moment to focus on the tiny font type running along the knob. The small line pointing directly to the frequency I anxiously hoped wasn't on taunted me as I realized Steve wasn't the only person to hear everything

All of 15 heard. Not only do Luke, Traci, Andy, and Dov know how I feel about Holly, but now also anyone near a radio in 15th knows. I can't believe that this came out before I even had time to process any of it. Before I even knew if Holly wanted the same thing. It's not like I could take it. People already heard it, and mostly likely the gossip mill churned out the news causing my confession to spread like wildfire across the policing world. At this point, it doesn't matter. I can't reverse what happened, even if I wanted to. I said it, but don't want to take it back because would my words mean anything to Holly then? If I denied them that fast, then how can she believe I actual meant them in the first place?

The radio crackled back to life after a few minutes shocking me back to reality. "Just thought I'd let you know," Steve voice dripping in amusement carried over the line again. "Took you long enough. Holly, be patient with her. She's stubborn as hell, but one of the good ones. Now turn your radio off, Gail."

Silence filled the room again. Too shocked to really do anything, Holly reached for the radio and swiftly switched it off before placing it on the bedside table. As her hand moved to push the affronting object as far away as possible, I loosely held her wrist dragging her hand on my lap tangling our fingers together again. My other hand stretched for the radio. Holly held her breath waiting to see how I was going to react.

Whispering softly in a higher octave than usual, I locked eyes with the swirling brown ones across from me. "Holly? What were you going to say before my tactless brother interrupted?" I needed to know where we stood before doing something irreversible.

Releasing the heavy air constricting her chest, Holly's eyes shifted between mine. "I think-" Licking her lips and swallowing against her dry mouth, Holly shook her head apparently clearing anything else swimming around. "I think you're right. It's getting hard to pretend to only be friends with you. That was painfully obvious during my date the other night. She just wasn't you." I knew she wasn't finished, so I waited for her to continue encouragingly squeezing her hand. "I want us, Gail. Not just the hanging out part, even though that doesn't mean it isn't awesome because it is, but more than that. I don't know what it is about you. Like you said, I just know you are more than someone. You feel like you do mean something because you really are. So, I agree. We should be more than two people hanging out."

I closed my eyes allowing everything to sink in. The fact that it's not just me feeling like this. The fact that Holly finally said what I needed clarified. The fact that Holly saw me as I am, but still feels this way. Leaning towards her steering clear of her elevated leg, I pulled Holly closer for the second time in twenty-five hours and kissed her. Kissed her hard enough that she knew I wasn't going anywhere. Her lips met mine with the same amount of force. The pleasant twist in my stomach caused my lips to crack through the rough features stuck on my face from the passed hours into a content smile. Resting back on the bed, I kept my eyes closed savoring this feeling. When I finally came back to the present, I met Holly's shining eyes and that smile that I felt in the tips of my toes.

Before the nerves running through my system could stop me, I flipped the radio back on and held down the black button, holding Holly's gaze. "Just to clarify, Holly is officially off-limits. Try anything and deal with me." Turing the radio off once again, I passed it to Holly. It took her a minute to register what I was handing her because her jaw hung low as her eyes looked frazzled by the shock. It took her a couple of attempts to place the radio back on the side table and push it away since she refused to look away.

"Did you really just do that?" Admittedly, Holly's voice did something to me when it cracked in utter disbelief like it did in the interrogation room. A teasing smirk grew as I leaned in to kiss Holly once again. Lingering longer. Finally permitting myself to really feel it. Committing everything about her lips and this kiss to memory. How her slightly chapped lips still manage to feel so soft. How the fullness of her bottom lip feels I ran my tongue gently along it. How my heart speeds up when our tongues met again. How I could feel hers speed up with mine. How her thick, wavy hair actually is smooth and soft as my fingers glide through it. How surprisingly soft her skin is when my fingers wrapped around her neck pulling her into me.

How incredibly _right_ it all felt.

* * *

We sat in silence leaning our foreheads together, calming down after that mind-blowing kiss. I didn't expect any of this. Not so quickly at least. I knew she wanted to talk about us, but I thought I was going to have to leave Gail alone for a while, so she could figure everything out, especially if she wanted anyone to know after witnessing her alarm at the station in front of Steve and Nick. When Gail announced into the radio that I was off-limits, actually admitting to the accidental confession, it floored me. I couldn't figure out what changed.

Rubbing my hand along Gail's cheekbone, I waited until her blue eyes opened. "Why aren't you freaked out anymore? Early, I just had my hand on your arm. You pulled away so quickly that I knew I stepped over some sort of line. But then you just admitted to a seemingly infinite amount of people who I'm off limits because of you without flinching. Weren't you freaked out because I'm a woman?" I couldn't help but wonder since that was the main issue with girls in my past.

Smirking as a gently snicker fell from her mouth, Gail shook her head at me as if I was some naïve child. "Don't flatter yourself, Lunchbox. You're hardly the first woman who I found attractive. Not even the first woman to kiss me either."

Feeling my jaw drop again in such a short amount of time, I couldn't help but stutter. "Wa-wait. What? You've been with a woman before?" Casting back into my memories, I tried to recollect if she ever mentioned this part of her past before. Coming up empty, I just stared at Gail in utter disbelief.

Shaking her head at me, Gail smirk turned into a smile. "Are you sure your listening to me, Nerd? For a forensic pathologist, you sure did miss a couple of key points in that statement. Did I say I dated a woman?"

Tilting my head to the side in a small nod, I conceded to that point. "Okay not word for word. But, you _have_ kissed one before."

Before I could continue with another questions, Gail quickly added, "Well more like five, but still no. _I've_ never kissed on. Keep up, Doctor. You're falling behind."

I couldn't stop my eyes from scrunching up in confusion. "But you said-"

"To kiss me. I said they kissed me. Sure, I participated after the original kiss, but never initiated it." Gail's eyes twinkled as she laughed quietly at what I'm sure is an impressive stunned expression plastered on my face. Seeing that I wasn't close to constructing a logical sentence, Gail patted my good leg above the knee before softly rubbing the area, causing me to break out of my stupor and smile. "If it makes you feel better, you're the only woman I've kissed on multiple occasions."

Rapidly, my smile turned to a frown as I processed her words. "Gail? If that's true, then why the hell did you freak out so badly at the station? I was only touching your arm remember, not going in for a kiss."

"Because I kissed you," she stated simply with a small shrug.

That did nothing to relieve my confusion. If anything, it made it worse. "But, we have before without a spectacular freak out. Just like you said, I'm hardly the first woman to kiss you. Come to think of it, you weren't even freaked out. You just froze." Nothing lined up to what Gail said.

Gail sighed as if I was missing an obvious point in the story. "I froze because I was waiting for you to apologize."

"Why would I do that?"

"All the others did," Gail supplied in a broken whisper sounding like a lost child. "They all kissed me, but as soon as I started to kiss them back, they apologized. They didn't mean to. They made a mistake, so I made gave them a reason to run away like they already planned or assumed I would. I expected the same to happen with you."

"Gail," I said gently grabbing the hand that was still playing with my knee. "One, I wouldn't have kissed you in the first place if I didn't want to. When I kiss someone, there's a reason even if I can't fully see that reasoning. Two, you still haven't answered my original questions, and we keep veering off that path. Why freak at the station if you don't have an issue with me and actually enjoyed the kiss?"

"Like I said. I kissed you, Holly."

Huffing because she kept going in circles, I relented and admitted defeat. "Okay, I'm official lost."

Smirking, I could see that Gail having fun. "Must be a new feeling for you then, Nerd."

Shaking my head at her level of maturity with this situation, I impatiently huffed again. "Stop it, Cop. I'm tired of this run around. Are you going to actually going to explain what you mean, or are you going to dance around it with more stories to take my attention away from the first question? I just want to understand Gail. I can't do that if you keep answering in such a cryptic way instead of just laying it all out there for me. My head is spinning not only from the medication, but also because you refuse to-"

Lips crashed into mine for the third time today, effectively shutting me up. Hands wrapped around my neck holding me in place as lips moved against mine. Gail stopped after a couple of moments and rested her forehead against mine. "While I enjoy being able to make you shut up just by kissing you, really enjoy it actually, do you think you could shut down the nerd and let me talk, Doctor?" Raising an eyebrow, Gail waited until I confirmed that I'd let her talk. "I've never kissed a woman or anyone for that matter. No," she raised a hand in front of my face to stop me from interrupting again. "I don't let people get close to me unless I want them to, but I never pulled anyone into my personal space. I've never grabbed anyone, pulled that person close, and kissed that person before they knew what happened. Never made the first move or even subsequent moves in any of my relationships. I never felt that urgency, the need, to kiss someone let alone have someone so close to me. I freaked out because I. Kissed. You."

I didn't know what to do with this new confession from Gail, but I wasn't exactly shocked. The idea that she never felt that urge seemed unreal, but then again, Gail isn't like anyone else. I've never seen walls as high as the ones surrounding Gail at every angle. She most likely built each wall at an extremely young age, and with each year, only learned how to strengthen each wall as they attempted to crumble. I should have seen the freak out coming because there were holes in the walls now. Somehow, Gail let me knock them down without much of a fight until the damage was irreversible.

That can't have been it though. There had to be something else. "Okay, I completely get that. Taking that step in a relationship that could change everything, but that can't be the only thing. I know there's more." Gail couldn't look me in the eye pretty much admitting there was more. "Please?" I needed to understand. There was so much about Gail that I knew, but most of the time I was winging it.

Gail opened her mouth to start, but shut it quickly needing to figure out the wording in her head. "I-I wouldn't have been able to go back out there and do my job with all of this weighing down on me. I don't know if you realized this, Holly, but I was fucking terrified to go back out there. You being there, trying to make everything better was making my mask of calm crack. I didn't care that Chris and Steve saw you touching me, but I couldn't let them see the cracks. I didn't want them to see that you could easily do what they never could."

I smiled. While I felt bad for systematically destroying her protective walls and mask, I knew in the end I would be the only one to see the real Gail. "Okay. No worries as long as it doesn't happen again. I don't like being dismissed so easily." Eagerly nodding, Gail went to seal the promise by initiating yet another kiss. Before our lips could meet, I couldn't help but smirk as I whispered against her shivering lips, "Besides, how can I deny someone who kisses me so many times."

* * *

_**As always, an extra special thanks to FaBbEr0oZ(what good are brothers for if they don't interrupt awesome moments? And Rita Repulsa still isn't all the threatening. Look how often a group of teenagers defeated her!), wkgreen (same to you that i said the FaBbEr0oZ, what good are brothers for if they don't let you publicly embarrass yourself to an obnoxious amount of people at the same time?, annabanana6 (YAY to being forgiven!), ellec77 (i figured a stunt like that fit gail), and BSwiftly1997 (right on the money there with who all heard it!) for putting up with my shenanigans and relentless amount of cliffhangers! **_


	10. Are you okay?

_**Here's the next chapter everybody! It continues off the previous scene because wkgreen made an insightful comment about how the last scene seems odd after Holly just woke up. I think this chapter will explain the reasoning for that. Let me know if this works! Sorry it's not longer, but I wanted to concentrate on just this scene rather than adding another with it (and I'm not 100% sure what I want to put next)**_

_**I also wanted to warn everybody. This week is going to be hell for me, so I can't promise that a chapter will be up tomorrow. I'm moving soon, and there's so much I need to do. Still friends…til the end of time?**_

* * *

Minutes passed as we continued to kiss before Holly abruptly pulled away failing to control a deep, unyielding yawn. Stretching like a cat, I noticed her winch slightly before laying a hand gently on top of the stark white casting contrasted greatly from her tanned hand. Holly tried downplaying the obvious pain in her thigh, making me realize I forgot to do the most important thing when I realized she woke up. Hardly for the first time and definitely not the last, Holly effectively distracted me.

"Not that I don't enjoy making out with you, but I never got the chance to ask you how you are doing." Holly's eyes waived slightly away from mine toward the hand playing with the textures of the cast.

Shrugging her shoulders as if it didn't matter, Holly gently replies, "Gail, I didn't really give you the chance. I kind of threw you off, so don't worry about it."

Holly was avoiding this that much was clear. I couldn't let her pretend what happened wasn't a big deal because it was. Just because it was Holly didn't make a huge, but because it always is when someone gets shot. Not wanting to confront her head on, I tried to figure out a way to get her to tell me how she _really_ was. No one is this okay. "I just want to know that you're okay after everything. Do you even know what all happened to you? You passed out pretty quick."

Narrowing her eyes, Holly took a minute or so to evaluate the cast, the IV drop, and her body in general moving around to feel any sore spots that needed counted. "Based on the cast on my leg, the itching, tight skin on my thigh, the stinging in my mouth, and the medication dripping from my IV, I'm believe the bullet went into my thigh, most likely hitting the femoral artery in some way which accounts for the passing out. Since I can't feel the same itchy tightness matching the angle of the first one, the bullet remained in my thigh. There's stinging in my mouth suggesting that I bit something when I fell. So," an eyebrow rose in challenge as Holly locked eyes with mine, "How did I do?"

She sounded as if she were recording everything for an autopsy, not as if it actually happened to her. I didn't fully process that fact instead letting the first comment tumble out of my mouth. "My god, you're even nerder than I realized. Although, you didn't get the exact location of where the bullet lodged itself. FYI, it almost went through your femur." The sentence ended with more bite than I intended, hoping that Holly realized how serious this actually is.

"Damn. I didn't realize how good these drugs are then because I don't even feel that part." Inspecting the IV bag again, Holly sighed and leaned back against the bed. "That should be fun to heal."

Holly couldn't see how much this bothered me, and I couldn't stop myself from snapping. "Take this seriously, Holly. I know you are trying to make this less of a big deal, but it is. The doctor didn't need to explain just how serious this is. I watched it happen. I watched you fall to the ground. Watched as your blood came out of you. When you passed out, I-" I stopped to take deep breath, trying to get my hands to stop shaking at the memory. "I thought I lost you. When you woke up, I was only asleep because I'm exhausted. Every time I closed my eyes, the scene kept replaying." Tears threatened to fall, but I stopped them by willpower alone. This wasn't about me. "So, don't. You may not be a living people doctor, but that doesn't mean you don't know the how much damage was actually done. And, it didn't happen to someone else." By this point, Holly's head dropped down to her chest hiding her face from me, but the shutter of her shoulders made it obvious she was crying. I knew that I shouldn't. I just needed to get closer and hold her. Pulling the side bar up, I carefully eased myself into the small space between the bar and Holly, turning to face Holly once I settled. Resting one arm along her stomach, my fingers gently drifted along her check until she faced me. Kissing her softly until she kissed me back. "I know you don't want to talk about it let alone think about it, but trust me, it will only make it worse." Briefly flashing back to my time in the hospital hiding from Traci after Jerry's death, I knew I waited too long. I wasn't going to allow Holly to do the same thing. Holly's eyes were closed, so I closed mine waiting for her to be ready.

"I'm going to have rehab for months," Holly suddenly broke the silence, her voice tired and broken. "After waiting even more months for the bone to heal correctly, which I won't be surprised if they need to put a metal pole in because of how weak it might turn out. And, it hurts like a bitch. The medication is merely dulling it right now, but I can still feel it all. Feel as if it's all happening again." Her eyes filled with fog making it harder and harder for her to focus on me. "I woke up panicking feeling the bullet bite into my skin. All the pain." Frustrated, Holly rubbed her eyes to clear away the fog and crackle left after the tears. "Not only will therapy be required, but it's necessary," sighing heavily as her head dropped to my shoulder.

Running my fingers through her hair knowing it will calm her down, all I could do was nod in agreement. "You won't be alone, though. If you haven't noticed, Doctor, I'm just as weird as you." The soft chuckle from Holly made me smile. We'll be okay. "Now, I can go find the doctor to see if we can get stronger meds for you since you're still in pain, or we try to sleep some more. We both need it, but you pick."

"I don't want the strong drugs. They'll just make me groggier and probably as crazy as you were on oxy." Smirking playfully, I knew my Holly was back.

"So sleep it is. Are you okay how you are, or do you want help moving?" Holly waved off the help, so I shuffled under the blanket and moved closer to Holly taking way any space that was between us. Still needing to feel closer, I hooked my leg over the uninjured one. "Wake me if you can't sleep, Holly."

Reaching up for a kiss, Holly held the sides of my face, deepening the kiss. Lips forcefully met before our tongues met in a dance. It still amazes me how right this feels with Holly. How much it made me crave Holly more. I felt my hips creeping forward and struggled to keep them still. I needed to stop kissing Holly before losing it all, but I didn't want to. She should know just how much I want her. However, I don't think grinding on her functioning leg when she's all but tied to a hospital bed is the proper way to do it.

Slowing down the kissing, I gradually brought the kiss to an end. Catching my slightly increased breathing, I couldn't help but smirk at the dreamy expression left on Holly's face. "Holly?" Snapping her attention back to me, she waited for me to continue. "You are extremely distracting. Sleep time." One last kiss before I laid my head down on Holly's chest just under her chin while my hand rubbed circles on her stomach. Holly's arm wrapped around my back gently rubbing up and down my spine, and I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

* * *

_**Yet again, an extra special thanks for FaBbEr0oZ (trying to figure out what exactly you found attractive in her, then again I have a hard time getting around that voice. And the fact that she would probably constantly try to kill me...), BSwiftly1997 (gail's the type of girl to spread rumors about Nick having an STD so no one else will hit on him. it felt right), ragingscooter (i'm thinking about that...), wkgreen (did this chapter make up for the weird timing?), and annabanana6 (i wouldn't call it being unfair. it's my fault for giving you something everyday in the first place. sorry i might not be able to this week :( ) for their continual support of this story. You are the reasons why I try my hardest to have a new chapter daily.**_


	11. BE ADVISED!

_**HI EVERYONE! THE CHAPTER WILL BE UP, BUT NOT FOR ANOTHER HOUR OR TWO! STAY TUNED!**_


	12. Why aren't you shocked?

_**HI EVERYONE! This is the real chapter this time! I promised you one today, and here it is! It's back on track for being a slightly longer chapter, so let me know what you think. :) **_

**_Now another warning is necessary. My week is more hectic that I thought, so the next chapter my not be up until Saturday or Sunday. If not until Sunday, I will try my hardest to give you two new chapters on Sunday. DEAL?_**

* * *

"If I hear you snap another picture, I will destroy your phone after admitting you to this hospital." Still groggy after waking up from an extremely short sleep, I glared with as much power as I could muster through the crack in my right eye.

Shrugging back a reply, whoever it was walked complete into the room. "What can I say, Gail? You looked calm and adorable. I couldn't pass up the chance to give myself insurance against you if I ever need it."

Slowly sitting up away from Holly so I don't wake her, I stretch to loosen the tight muscles in my back and arms while raising an eyebrow. "Notice how I didn't tell you to delete it? Send it to me, and then delete it. I won't have anyone else seeing me like that but Holly. Need I remind you, dearest brother, who helped you out with Traci? If you are as awesome as you claim to be, you wouldn't have needed my help." I could tell I hit a nerve when Steve dipped his head slightly.

"Touché." Raising his phone in the air, he let me see that he only sent it to me and then deleted it from his phone.

Smirking at my victory, I knew there was more. "Now that that's settled, why the hell are you here?"

Taking a step closer to the other side of the bed, Steve fiddled with his hands in his jacket pocket, always a tell when he's thinking. "I wanted to check on you and make sure you were alright after what happened yesterday. You weren't picking up your phone, so I figured this would work out."

"Glad to see that I'm just worth a phone call. Thanks Steve. Besides, I'm not the one that got shot." I couldn't stop my eyes from shifting over Holly's leg, knowing what lies under that hard shell that I couldn't stop from happening. "So, I'm fine."

Sighing, Steve ran a hand through his hair. "You know I didn't mean you were only worth a phone call, but I know you like your space after stuff like this, so I didn't want to push you." Moving over to my side of the bed, Steve sat in the chair I vacated in favor of being closer to Holly. Grabbing the hand that wasn't absentmindedly running along Holly's exposed arm, Steve waited until I held his gaze. "And while you didn't get shot, you did just out yourself to the entire division in one swoop. That was before Luke stormed into my office complaining that you were holding up his investigation, ranting about you letting feelings get in the way. I told him that wouldn't have been why you didn't cooperate because it wasn't like you felt anything for Ford and I was hoping not towards Sam either."

"Luke just hates when he can't get things his way. I didn't want to talk to him, and he wouldn't back down. And, ewwwww. Sam, really?" That thought alone made me shutter.

Having dealt with my deflecting tactics longer than anyone, Steve didn't even bother to entertain that thought process of mine. He just charged forward. "Traci might have also mentioned you shoving her out of the door when she tried calming you after what was described as an epic meltdown when Luke kept pushing. You apparently were barely hanging on by a thread because of what happened to Holly, and Traci said you actually admitted more feelings than we all thought possible. Specifically your feelings towards Holly." The look of surprise on his face as he remembered when Traci related this information really struck a nerve with me.

"I'm not completely incapable of emotions" I bit back. "I just don't think everyone needs to see them on display all the time like McNally. Seriously, everyone knows her story with all the twist and turns like some bad daytime soap opera."

Steve chuckled. "The nicer emotions? Wasn't sure you still knew what those were. I thought mom killed those off years ago," he didn't need to say anymore knowing how badly mom damaged me. "And then Nick stomping out any stragglers – twice – "

I couldn't stop the confusion taking over my face. "You knew about the second time?"

A smirk grew on Steve's face. "Like you said, McNally's life is like a daytime soap opera where she doesn't think other people actually listen to her. Nick never caught on either. But," waving away the though and settling back into the chair more comfortably, "after seeing you with Holly, I don't need to question that anymore. I noticed it at the wedding, but didn't really think anything of it until Traci told me what happened. I can tell you're okay because of her."

"Oh, really now? Not afraid I turned your sister?" Whipping around, I catch Holly struggling to sit up a bit held down by the groggy feeling left from the mix of painkillers and sleep.

As I took a second to help her readjust, I hear Steve reply back, "I think we both know it was probably the other way around despite her taking so much time to get there." Swinging out to punch him in the arm, he easily deflected me before standing up and reaching a hand out to Holly. "But, hi. I'm Steve, Gail's brother, Captain of the Universe. Wish we could have met under better circumstances."

Shaking her head slightly while taking Steve's hand, Holly could hold back the soft snickering. "So, the Peck family has the Captain of the Universe _and _the Champion of the World? Must be a lucky family. And, nice to meet you, too, Steve."

Both my eyebrows shot up in alarm. Staring at Holly with my mouth hanging open, "You heard that? You didn't even know I was there!"

Eyes twinkling, Holly simple said, "I've got my ways, Gail. I'm a nerdy genius remember."

Smacking my forehead, a deep groin escaped me. "Fine. I am the Champion of the World, so at least now I don't have to explain it to you."

"As if, you need to prove it. And after the batting cages, I don't think anyone else would believe you quite as much."

Pointing an accusing finger towards Holly, I playful snapped back. "Hey! You swore to never speak of that horrid night again."

Raising her hand in surrender, a playful glow framed her face making her look endearing, and I leaned in to kiss her lightly before she pulled me closer for a sounder kiss.

Steve's laughter brought us back from Holly and I back from our own little world. "Sorry to interrupt, but that's my sister. So Holly, how are you doing?"

* * *

After talking for a while, Holly and Steve looked like old friends; bonding over sports apparently makes that happen quickly. I struggled to stay interested in the conversation, but was content with Holly's hand resting in mine, her thumb rhythmically stroking the back of my hand.

Suddenly, the Captain America theme song starts to play, and I can't stop my eyes from rolling. "Steve, you really are that obnoxious. Go out to the hall to talk." Steve waved me off as he walked out the room.

When I turned back to look at Holly, I noticed a puzzled expression across the expanse of her wondrous face. I knew it wouldn't take Holly long to voice what she is thinking, so I took that time to settle back down next to Holly and wrap my arm securely around her middle. Unconsciously, Holly started rubbing up and down my arm covering her stomach. She started to slow down, and I started counting down.

_Five. _Holly eyes scrunched up.

_Four. _She rubs along her brows softening the tensed skin.

_Three. _Her hand stops moving up and down. Instead, her fingers brush the hair on my arm lightly like a whisper.

_Two. _Turning her head towards me, Holly waited for me to look up at her.

_One._ Taking a deep breath, Holly formed the words in her head before speaking.

"Why isn't your brother surprised?"

Not entirely surprised by this question, I fired the answer I crafted while she gathered the courage to ask it. "He was."

The crease between her eyes grew deeper, and I struggled to contain my grin at how charming it made her seem. "How so? Because I heard bits and pieces of your conversation with him before I actually woke up. I didn't hear any hint of surprise in his voice."

Shrugging, there was only one answer that will actually work for most people who know me. "He's never seen me act the way I do apparently do around you. He noticed the difference at the wedding actually, so he's also had a lot of time to adjust to seeing me act this way."

Holly just shook her head. "No. That part I got. Well, maybe not the since the wedding, I'm still trying to figure out why I got to the only lucky one to be able to deal with you violent mood swings." Interrupting her with a huff, Holly laughed and patted the top of my head. "You know what I mean, but that's beside the point. I meant why wasn't he surprised that you are with a woman. I mean, he couldn't have known this was eventually going to happen after just the wedding."

"There's actually a couple of reasons for that. I'll start with the simpler ones." Counting off my fingers, "1) When you showed up at the station after I kissed you, Steve noticed that something was going on. 2) I mention you a lot more than I realized when I talk to him. 3) The radio incident. Still embarrassed about it so moving on. 4) He took this picture, confirming the whole thing." Opening up the picture that Steve sent for the first time, it shocked me just how calm I really did look. Come to think of it, I slept really well despite the limited amount of space.

"Wow. Look at you. You actually look harmless." I knew Holly wasn't going to pass up that opportunity to make a dig, but I just smiled and continued.

"And last but not least, 5) Steve and I use to point out all the hot woman to each other, so he was probably just waiting for this to happen at some point."

Holly shot me a pointed look. "Gail Peck. You only told me girls kissed you, not that you most likely positioned yourself for them to even make a move in the first place."

Shrugging, I grinned up at Holly. "You never asked."

"Point taken." I could see the gears of her brain spinning into action. Cautiously, I tried to figure out where she was going to go with her next question.

"So what about me?"

"Um," I paused, not liking where this was going. "What about you?"

An eyebrow raised in challenge as Holly clarified. "Would you have pointed me out to your brother?"

"No," tumbled from my mouth without hesitation.

"Well, that's comforting, Gail. I'm apparently not hot enough for you?" I knew she only wanted to tease me, but I could hear a slight waver in her voice, doubting me.

Yet again, I found myself drawing Holly's mouth to mine kissing her hard wanting her to feel frenzied my emotions were because of how many different things she makes me feel that, like Steve, I thought I'd never feel again.

"Holly, you are gorgeous. Don't forget that. I never would have pointed you out to my brother because he would have tried going after you. Even though I know he wouldn't have had any chance, just the fact that he went there would have stopped me from getting to know you in the first place."

"Does he always go after the girls you point out?" Holly wasn't shocked by this revelation. Instead, she seemed intrigued.

"Why do you think he chased after Traci for so long? Before they met, I remember talking about the other rookies a couple months back and mentioning that she was kinda hot. The rest is history."

Running her fingers down my arm until our fingers met, Holly seemed fascinated as she laced her fingers between mine. "Should I be worried about Traci?"

Still transfixed on our linked hands, I almost couldn't believe she would even think to be concerned about Traci. Gently turning her face towards me, I simply replied, "No. There's history there, but not that kind of history. We grew closer, but as if we are family." Jerry flashed through my mind before I quickly wrestled that thought down. Holly doesn't need to deal with that demon quite yet, if at all.

"Gail, what – actually, no. I won't ask about that history because you probably would have explained in more detail if it were necessary. All that I need to know is that there's no need to worry. Now," a playful glint filled Holly's eye, "I just pushed my button for more medication and want to know when it kicks in. Want to help me with that?"

Not sure where she was going with this, I could only say yes. "What exactly are we going to -"

Earnest, firm lips collided against mine, cutting off my words with a sneaky, skillful flick of her tongue.

* * *

_**First and foremost, a special thanks to Alexandra Udinov for not only her 1st review, but also for such an impressive dancing gymnastic comment of joy! Definitely made my night, so thank you!**_

_**Last but of course not least, an extra special thanks to FaBbEr0oZ (what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! the power rangers proved that before kelly clarkson ever did!), ragingscooter (honestly, i feel like holly would never act as tripped out as gail bc she knows what the medication is doing or i'll just pretend it doesn't affect her at all), wkgreen (such a trooper), annabanana6 (thanks for not holding that promise against me! and I will never abandon this story without finishing it so no worries) for their unwavering support and dealing with my unintentional broken promises!**_


	13. How do you remember it?

**_I'm still here! I swear this story isn't abandoned! There's just so much going on right now, but I said I'd get at least one chapter up by today, and HERE IT IS! Was it worth the long wait?_**

**_And again I'm sorry, but I don't know when the next update will be. It will be sometime this week, but I can't say for sure. So, please, don't leave? _**

* * *

"Ewwww." The sudden burst of sound made me nearly throw Gail, who settled gently on top of me not too long before the interruption, off the bed. Gail caught herself and glared at her brother for his tactless entry. "Come one, Gail. I don't make out with Traci in front of you." The spirited glint in his eyes threw off the whining, serous tone in his voice.

That didn't stop Gail from grabbing the radio off the side table and attempting to throw it at him. I caught her arm just in time to save the defenseless device from her wrath. "Gail! That radio has done nothing to you. Be a big girl and just go punch him." It didn't surprise me when Gail jumped up from the bed, careful not to jostle my leg too much, and slammed her fist into Steve's shoulder.

"OW!" Incredulously, Steve's eyes widened as he slowly turned to look at me, sporting an almost identical pout like Gail's. "I can't believe you told her to do that. Who knew you were so cold-hearted. And, you" he lifted a finger to Gail's face. "I can't believe you actually listened."

Swatting Steve's finger from her face, Gail just shrugged. "Be happy with just that. If I had it my way, that radio would have knocked you out. Knock before you just waltz in next time."

Holding his hands up in surrender, Steve nodded. "Fine, fine. I've learned my lesson. Just don't think there won't be pay back in the future."

As Gail's eyes flashed alarm, she groaned. "God! Now that images stuck in my head." Before Steve could react, another solid punch landed in the same spot as the first one. Moving back towards the bed, Gail threw over her shoulder, "And don't even complain about that punch. You fully deserved that one for the nightmares that will plague me."

"Anyways," I finally jumped back in before things escalated and more hits were thrown. Pulling Gail back to the spot next to me, I grabbed Steve's attention. "Any news about Sam? I'm assuming that's what the call was about."

"Uh, yeah. Sam's operation went okay, but he went into cardiac arrest shortly after. Still touch and go." The twitchiness in his body movements and the way that his eyes barely made contact with mine, I knew that wasn't what the call was about.

Apparently, Gail caught onto that too. "Okay, Steve. Sit down and spill." He opened his mouth to protest, but the words quickly died in his throat when he saw the burning glare from his sister.

Moving the chair a safe distance away from Gail and I, Steve cleared his throat. "That was Luke. He wanted to know if I was free to help out with something. I didn't want to, but you know how annoying he gets if you just don't agree." Holding up a hand to stop Gail from badgering him, he locked eyes with her. "He wants me to interview Holly. One of the nurses noticed Holly woke up, and Luke gave all of them explicit orders to phone him immediately."

Gail rustled to her feet again. "Why the hell is he asking you to do it then? It's not your case let alone even you're department. If he wants his goddamn interview so desperately, he can come down himself and do it."

"Gail, calm down and come here." I knew it wasn't good for her being that worked up after everything that happened. Patting the space next to me again, I waited until Gail got settled before directing my attention to Steve. "So why did he ask you to do it?"

"You can blame it on the blonde one next to you."

"Me? Why the hell am I the problem?"

"Well," Steve tapped his chin as if he needed to think about it snapping his fingers when he "remembered" it. "Right because you threw him out of the room threatening to put him on a stretcher."

Gasping, I quickly turned to look at Gail. "What?! Gail, why the hell did you do that?"

"Listen, he kept pushing and questioning every little thing that I did and should have done. Then he tried telling me to calm down when you were just lying there still passed out. I couldn't deal with all of it, so I shoved him out. Honestly, he should have expected that to happen even if it wasn't because of you."

"And," Steve chimed in, "I would interview you for him as well if it wasn't for the fact that I'm your brother. Traci will do that later." Stopping for a moment, I could see Steve trying to figure out something in his head. "Gail, I'm assuming that you are going to refuse to leave the room for this, right?"

"Damn right I'm not," Gail firmly agreed reaching down to hold my hand and give it a quick squeeze.

"Just like I thought. So, here's the plan. We'll just tell Luke you weren't here, and no one will be the wiser." Getting up, Steve closed the door and drew the blinds down so none of the nurses or doctors would interrupt. Reaching inside his jacket, Steve retrieved his small notepad and pen. With a click, Steve focused solely on me. "Now, Holly. Just start with why you were in the station and continue until you woke up here. Be as detailed as possible. If you need to stop at any point, just tell me. No pushing."

Taking a deep breath, I launched into my story.

* * *

_After the phone call with Gail. _

Letting out a relieved sigh, I turned flipped my phone to silent to concentrate back on the samples sitting on my desk. I needed to focus on this case involving a decomposing corpse found in a small creek. Along with all the animal activity, the slashes and bruises littering the woman's body made her barely recognizable, so the DNA results rushed. With so many options for the cause of death, it was imperative that I took dozens of samples to determine if the woman was killed at the creek or if that was merely the dumping ground. The investigation stood at a standstill until all the samples were tested, and my report gave the detectives a starting point.

Honestly, I usually love cases like this where my job determined where a case would begin. Each time the detectives called or sent an officer demanding the results, I got a burst of adrenaline making me focus harder on my work to prove that without me, the detectives would be nowhere. Sadly, only a couple actually realized how much I could affect their cases, but it didn't bother me. I knew how important my job was and didn't need them to validate my work.

I wasn't feeling anything for this case though. No one was rushing into my offices every hour demanding my findings. Ford took precedent over everything though. He wasn't just affecting Gail's job. And now, I looped back to thinking about Gail and what she was about to charge into. Quickly reaching for my phone, there wasn't any missed calls or texts. Then again, it has only been ten minutes since she called.

Frustratedly, I put my phone face down on my desk and forced myself to examine the samples under the microscope. I could only make out squiggles and shapes my mind too focused on what might be happening to actually decipher and note what these samples mean to common person. Shoving the microscope away from, I couldn't help but check my phone again. Three minutes since I last checked it. Still no updates.

Standing up, I moved to look at the abused body lying on the table. Starting at her feet, I mentally took inventory of the injuries inflicted for the third time. Feet are cut slightly as if she ran over rough terrain barefoot. Both ankles show signs of restraints from the deep purple bruises in a pattern that has yet to be determined. The right ankle also shows signs of a break possibly from running or being intentionally broken. Based off the condition to her feet, I'm leaning more towards the first scenario.

Lifting my phone up, I only saw that five more minutes passed.

Underneath all the small abrasions, the knees are rubbed raw. The woman was mostly like forced to stay on her knees on top of carpeted or clothed surface. Her thighs display an array of colorful bruises in varies stages of healing, which means the hits happened over an extended period of time. Deciding not to focus on the pelvic region while waiting for the processing of the rape kit, I focused on the most puzzling piece of this case. On the woman's stomach, a design or words of some kind are etched into the skin. The dirt and mud caked onto the skin can't be removed yet until I finish reviewing the samples, but based on the intricateness evident through the mask, a small, extremely sharp knife had to have been used by someone extremely comfortable with the weapon.

Even the mysterious shapes couldn't distract me long enough from my phone. Ten more minutes.

Striding over to my chair, I grabbed my grey coat and threw it around my shoulders slipping my arms easily into it. I couldn't just sit here wondering anymore. If I went to the station, I could keep tabs on what was happening rather than going mad waiting for a phone call that may bring good or horrible news.

For the second time today, I had no trouble breezing passed the front desk without the officer in charge noticing I even entered the building. I couldn't see anyone that I knew which wasn't surprising. The only officer I hung out with outside the work place is Gail. I'm pretty sure she was the only one that actually knew my name before I met some of her coworkers at the wedding, but I highly doubted they would actually remember it.

Roaming around the halls, not one officer stopped to ask what I was doing there. I rushed out of my office so quickly that I didn't even think to grab anything in case someone did stop me. While I did have my badge on from the morgue, I figured that at least one of them would have realized I didn't actually belong there.

I was in the station for a while just making laps to base the time when I finally noticed Gail ahead of me. Making my way over to her, I didn't even realize that she reaching for her gun until I already called out for her.

"Gail?"

At the sound of the familiar voice, my attention completely focused on the woman standing slightly behind me. The one person I desperately wanted to see, but at the same time, wished she wasn't here. Not while an armed man with a mind-altering head injury was intent on killing somebody in the same area as where they both are standing.

I watched emotions fly over Gail's face jumping from relief to worry to terrified in a matter of seconds. "Holly," she harshly whispered making me finally look to see what was going on. Seeing Ford just across the hall, I moved further behind Gail. "Why the hell didn't you answer your damn phone? I've been trying to reach you. Don't you pay attention to your phone?" My mouth opened as a reply readied itself, but Gail powered on. "Don't bothering answering because I know you do. Usually, you send a reply before I even know a message actually sent."

Stepping back_,_ I couldn't help but feel guilty. Once I entered the station, I didn't think to look at my phone. As soon as I leave the office, I usually make sure the sound is back on, but in my haste to get here, I forgot._ "_After you called me, I switched it back to silent to concentrate on work. Which obviously didn't happen." Shaking my head, I focused on the floor because I couldn't look into the fear displayed openly in brewing storm. "I couldn't-I couldn't stop staring at it, willing it to ring. Waiting for you to tell me you were okay. I figured if I come here I'd find out what was going-"

_Pop._

I heard the gun shot before I felt my eyes painfully widen at the sudden pain rushing through my thigh. Before my mind registered what happened, I dropped to the ground hitting my head pretty hard as the taste of blood filled my mouth.

While trying to figure out what the hell was going on, I felt Gail next to me yelling at me. "Holly? Hol, stay with me." Feeling the blood pool around me grow, I realized where the bullet must have hit. The coldness creeping over me confirmed what I was hoping didn't happen._ "_Where'd you get hit? Holly!"

Struggling to keep my eyes open as the numbness washed over me, I tried to tell Gail to look at my thigh. But, my mouth bled more than I expected causing blood to flow out instead of words. Silently gagging as the blood tried to seep down my throat, my eyes slammed shut.

"No. Nonononononono,"Gail suddenly shouted and started slapping my face. I wanted to slap her back but couldn't find the strength to raise my arm that much."Open your eyes Holly. Look at me. Come on. Don't you dare do this to me Lunchbox." Both of Gail's shaky, warm hands wrapped around my face_. _"Don't you dare fucking leave me, too."

Darkness was creeping up, but I needed to reassure Gail that I wasn't going anywhere, not after that confession which I knew was rare. Using the last bit of energy I had, I made sure I clasped her hand before I let the darkness take over.

* * *

Steve finished writing down the relevant bits before breaking the unsettling silence that filled the room. "You know, Holly," a smirk crept onto his face. "That's more information than I actually needed. Glad to see how much my sister actually does care about you." As Gail slapped a hand over her reddening face, Steve sent a playful wink at me.

Groaning again, Gail pleaded with Steve. "Don't you dare use that against me, or I will make sure Traci won't speak to you again."

Holding his hands up yet again, the smirk turned into an empathetic smile. "No worries, Gail. I won't bring it up to anyone. I already made sure not to put most of that in the notes. Your name is only mentioned when relevant. I think you need to worry more about Holly letting the cat out of the bag."

I couldn't hold back the sudden laugh the burst from deep within my lungs. Seeing the confusion on Gail's face, I had to wait for the laughs to subside before I say anything. "I'd have to get the cat safely out of the tree first." Gail slapped a hand over her face again as I chuckled.

* * *

_**A special thanks to auggy1984 (i'd like to think i am :). haha i'm so funny...but seriously, i'm happy to see that you think i accomplished that) and mysterious guest from chapter 2 (you just beat the bell for a shout out! woot woot) for a short, but awesome first review. **_

_**As always, an extra special thanks to FaBbEr0oZ (i'd rather be a witch than a jedi to be honest. still friends? and life will get in the way hard core this week, but i'll be back!), Alexandra Udinov (of course you get a shout out! you are awesome and desire praise for being that awesome), annabanana6 (honesty, i feel they would be that into each other. look how close gail already is to her and considering that we have no idea what the timeline is, but knowing that the show usually spans a full year, gail and holly's relationship would have been growing for a couple months before all of this), mysterious guest (are you the same mysterious guest 2 from before? it's hard to keep track of all the mysterious strangers), ragingscooter (i share similar relationships with my 3 sisters and especially my brother including creepily taking photos when they are sleeping in funny ways...we're a weird family), and wkgreen (i'm glad you and i are on the same page about gail's attraction towards holly because i don't think it every really started with holly's looks but the way she fired back so quickly in the woods when they first met) for their amazing support even when I keep going MIA for days at a time. THANK YOU!**_

**_And, to all of you faceless, nameless readers. Don't be shy! I don't bite unless asked to :). But, thank you all for sticking with me!_**


End file.
